I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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