Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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