dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
