You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
