he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
