Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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