The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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