She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
