heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
