So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
