I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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