So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ok first of all what the fuck
I party with great urgency now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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