You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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