did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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