It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
