Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
