Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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