Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
