You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
