I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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