he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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