It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
