I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
