There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
