She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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