I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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