First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
