I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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