ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
