my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
