i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
