So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
