I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
