My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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