Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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