Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
