batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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