shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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