dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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