my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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