I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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