oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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