Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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