Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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