I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I did not marry a roomba.
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