I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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