I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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