just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
