And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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