You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize