So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
