FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
