As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
