i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
