She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I will pee on everything he values.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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