what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
