she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
