His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
