I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
