He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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