He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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