I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize