She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
