My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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