Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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