Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
