where am i from again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
