Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
