When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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