How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
